Preserving the Previous Generation for the Next
I grew up without most of my family. I never really knew my father. And after the divorce we lost touch with that side of the family, and both those grandparents passed before I was two. My mother lost her father before I was born.
I grew up with one grandmother, an aunt, and a single mother. I never thought much about the absent ones when I was a child. But after Covid, I realised I wanted that connection. I wanted to get to know my dad. If not to get to know him, then at least as a conduit to my family history and maybe myself.
My grandmother and mother
After way too many scrapped draft emails, I posted a private video on YouTube for him in August 2020. We got to talking, and had a great time getting to know each other. I recorded our chats as something to keep once he was gone. We spoke every few months, slowly building a rapport, if not a relationship. That couldn’t really happen until we addressed our baggage, but he really wanted to have the serious conversations in person.
Introducing my wife to my father - a conversation spanning Asia, Africa, and North America.
It took a little over three years for us to be in the same country at the same time. I saw him that one afternoon, for the first time in twenty-five years. We had a nice time. He felt like a total stranger that I had a bizarre amount in common with. I introduced him to my wife and son, and we spoke about this and that. Nothing that we really needed to talk about. He passed away six months later, after a medical airlift from Cairo to Paris.
A part of me always worried that it would turn out that way - unvoiced anger and apologies, and then a final door shutting when you should have already cleared the air. I didn’t want my boy to go through that, so I began keeping a video diary. Every few weeks I record myself (and sometimes my wife) talking about life at the moment, where the world is at, where we are, and what his milestones are. I hope it’s something he can look back on one day to see his parents when they were younger. How in love we are, and how much we love him. Also how we were our own people beyond our roles as his parents.
To this end, I also recorded interviews with my and my wife’s mother and grandmother (below) and also my own (above). She’s lost both of hers between 2024 and 2025. My grandmother is 94 now, and her health is a constant background anxiety. She lives on the other side of the world, and we can’t see her as much as we’d like. It will break my heart when she passes. She has always been my second mother. But when she does, we will always have a little over an hour-long video where she talks about her childhood and husband.
My wife’s paternal grandmother and mother
It’s too late now to ever ask my father why he left, or to share my first novel with him, and there are so many things that I probably don’t even know we could have shared with each other. My boy will never have to feel that way. And beyond that, I’m giving him the gift of knowing his family, in a way I wish I could have had.
I highly recommend you do the same for your parents, especially if they’re elderly. Hearing their voices again, even years later, means more than you expect.
